This morning, as with all mornings, I was in a rush to get out of the house. Not because I was late for work, but because I'm always in a rush when I'm going somewhere. Juggling my purse, a grocery bag, my jacket, my Netflix DVD, and my cup of coffee, I shuffled down the hall and out to my car as fast as I could without dropping anything. Why am I in such a rush? Again, no reason; this is just how I operate.
Trying to get everything into my car, I leave my coffee cup on the roof so that I don't spill it as I struggle with shoving my bags into the backseat. Grabbing my phone, I hurriedly dial my coworker's number as I get in the car and buckle my seatbelt. She answers and I let her know that I'm on my way, turning on the engine and opening the garage door. I pull out into the street slowly, making sure I don't scratch my bumpers on the narrow opening anymore than they are already, and I speed up as I clear the driveway.
Then there's a loud thump and a muffled shattering sound from outside as my coffee mug falls off the roof of my car onto the street.
I don't think I can accurately express how disappointed and angry I was with myself in that moment, but let me try. Setting aside the fact that I'd taken the time to make myself a vanilla soy latte, setting aside the fact that I finally had the chance to try this soy that I'd spent weeks going to grocery stores in order to find, and setting aside the fact that I was denied my caffeine fix for the morning, I berated myself for destroying my awesome coffee mug.
It didn't matter to me that it's just a mug, easily replaced (which I've already done, thanks to Amazon!); and it didn't matter that I could easily just go to Peet's on the way to work and get a latte. I was so angry at myself for forgetting, I was angry at that waste of time, money, and effort as a result of my inattention, and I couldn't stop berating myself for being so careless. I knew it was useless to be angry about it, but I just couldn't help it. A part of my mind understood that this anger was useless and that I shouldn't let it ruin my day, but other part of myself was so upset that it wouldn't listen.
At some other time in my life, I might still be angry and upset; but after concentrating on the drive, getting myself a mocha to feel better, and ordering a new mug from Amazon, it just didn't affect me as much anymore. Sure it's good that I let it go, but I don't like that I was so upset in the first place. It was embarrassing, of course, but it shouldn't have elicited such a strong reaction from me.
The sudden feeling of not being able to control my emotions always concerns me. I feel that I should be able to rein these things in, but I don't know how. I guess I handled it fine since I was only upset for a little while, but it was more intense than the situation warranted. My mom always says, "Be a duck," as in let it roll off your back, but I've never been very good at that. I suppose I would have taken it much worse in years past, but I would prefer to have more control over my emotions than that.
