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I found this recently while I was sifting through the copious amount of files in my Documents folder. I do not remember writing this at all, and I can hardly believe that I did write it, especially since I don't really like writing poetry, ha. It was really surprising to read, and made me more than a little sad that I'd forgotten these feelings. Still, this is why I write -- to remember emotions and events that I don't want to forget. So while it's heart-wrenching to know that I don't feel this way anymore, it reminds me that I was once filled with such intensity of emotion, and I look forward to the day when I feel it again.


Cold, clear, crisp
A perfect night for change.
I held you close awkwardly,
Testing new waters and charting the unknown.
We climbed the brick steps, gently holding each other's hand,
And at the top you altered the course of my life with the simple statement
That you just wanted to live yours here.
With me.
And we walked back down and we gazed up at the sky.
It opened above, inviting us to look deeper into what lay ahead and behind.
In other nights, I held you close,
Your face buried in the pillow as you mourned what you could not change.
Somehow my small acceptance gave you what strength you needed,
And you in turn gave me what acceptance I needed
To forgive myself for past wrongs.
So we mend each other, giving here but never taking there,
Because love is about giving what you can and not asking in return.
We don't slice it up and serve small amounts to everyone we know;
It's endless and boundless and is never used up.
You taught me this and so much more that I wonder
Whether I give enough back to deserve all that you offer me.
Yet all I need do is see your radiant smile,
And your laughing eyes reflect back to me the sheer
Happiness that's warmed me ever since that chilly night.
All I need do is remember the way I felt as I traced
On your back the words I couldn't quite say.
You turned to me, made my heart race, tears coursing down my face,
And I found it wasn't lost on me, as I found it with you,
The love we've shared in the little things that have served as
Foundations upon which I rebuild what was once torn down;
What we've both torn down within ourselves.
So I sit here pondering your question,
Wondering if I could rebuild without you.
My answer is:
Two people can work faster than one,
But this one has labored much on her own and someday she will again.
But that isn't today.

--6/22/05