New site!

For the past couple of weeks, I've been working on a new site, and it's finally done. You can find it at AmandaAndonian.com. I'm going to continue blogging there, but also post full-length stories. My first finished short story is now up there, and there's more to come!

Thanks for reading.

Amanda

Don't Let It Ruin Your Day

This morning, as with all mornings, I was in a rush to get out of the house. Not because I was late for work, but because I'm always in a rush when I'm going somewhere. Juggling my purse, a grocery bag, my jacket, my Netflix DVD, and my cup of coffee, I shuffled down the hall and out to my car as fast as I could without dropping anything. Why am I in such a rush? Again, no reason; this is just how I operate.

Trying to get everything into my car, I leave my coffee cup on the roof so that I don't spill it as I struggle with shoving my bags into the backseat. Grabbing my phone, I hurriedly dial my coworker's number as I get in the car and buckle my seatbelt. She answers and I let her know that I'm on my way, turning on the engine and opening the garage door. I pull out into the street slowly, making sure I don't scratch my bumpers on the narrow opening anymore than they are already, and I speed up as I clear the driveway.

Then there's a loud thump and a muffled shattering sound from outside as my coffee mug falls off the roof of my car onto the street.

I don't think I can accurately express how disappointed and angry I was with myself in that moment, but let me try. Setting aside the fact that I'd taken the time to make myself a vanilla soy latte, setting aside the fact that I finally had the chance to try this soy that I'd spent weeks going to grocery stores in order to find, and setting aside the fact that I was denied my caffeine fix for the morning, I berated myself for destroying my awesome coffee mug.

It didn't matter to me that it's just a mug, easily replaced (which I've already done, thanks to Amazon!); and it didn't matter that I could easily just go to Peet's on the way to work and get a latte. I was so angry at myself for forgetting, I was angry at that waste of time, money, and effort as a result of my inattention, and I couldn't stop berating myself for being so careless. I knew it was useless to be angry about it, but I just couldn't help it. A part of my mind understood that this anger was useless and that I shouldn't let it ruin my day, but other part of myself was so upset that it wouldn't listen.

At some other time in my life, I might still be angry and upset; but after concentrating on the drive, getting myself a mocha to feel better, and ordering a new mug from Amazon, it just didn't affect me as much anymore. Sure it's good that I let it go, but I don't like that I was so upset in the first place. It was embarrassing, of course, but it shouldn't have elicited such a strong reaction from me.

The sudden feeling of not being able to control my emotions always concerns me. I feel that I should be able to rein these things in, but I don't know how. I guess I handled it fine since I was only upset for a little while, but it was more intense than the situation warranted. My mom always says, "Be a duck," as in let it roll off your back, but I've never been very good at that. I suppose I would have taken it much worse in years past, but I would prefer to have more control over my emotions than that.

China Hates Fiction

I heard today that China is outlawing any and all time travel stories because they're "disrespectful towards history" and "many stories are totally made up and are made to strain for an effect of novelty."

Wow.

Alright, let's put aside the fact that they apparently have just realized what the word "fiction" means and instead talk about what kind of impact this may or may not have on the way Chinese people think from now on. The author of this article states that time travel dramas are growing in popularity in China, so obviously they are successful and widely watched. How is a viewing public of hundreds of thousands (perhaps millions) going to react to their government outlawing their favorite form of entertainment? Presumably, they'll just take it and not start an outcry, otherwise the Chinese government probably would not have done this in the first place.

The way the article is written gives way too much credit to the Chinese government. The author talks about how they have "a good reason to go against the genre" just because it takes liberties with history and historical fact. Of course it does! It's. Not. Real. It's a drama created to entertain people and make money. Additionally, "many people complain there’re too many mistakes on history facts, making it unbearable to watch"? Welcome to the world of television and movies! If it was completely faithful to the source material, it wouldn't be as interesting to watch. If you don't like it, why don't you just refrain from watching it? I refuse to watch television shows and movies that I know will piss me off due to inaccuracies for that very reason.

But, this is missing the point entirely of why China's governement is doing this. They don't want it to exist because they want to control the type of information that their people consume. It's not such a huge step from this to outlawing fiction entirely, or at least fiction that is only approved by the General Bureau of Radio, Film and Television. When that happens, what will become of an entire country's ability to think independently and creatively? What will happen to the people's ability to lose themselves in a form of entertainment they enjoy? If America outlawed science fiction for some bizarre reason, I would be devastated. Not only am I barred from enjoying this genre when I want to relax, I can't even write in this genre without fear of being brought up on some sort of felony charge.

As a creative person, I can hardly wrap my mind around the reality that the Chinese people live in. If this is an indication of the direction that Chinese censorship is moving towards, how far is it actually going to go? I don't believe that it's possible to wipe out story telling completely, but they don't need to do that; all they need to do is to control the stories that do exist. Will that result in a country of people who can't use their minds, who have no sense of imagination or independent and creative thought? What kind of country will that look like?

Perhaps I'm making more of this than there actually is, but as much as I hate reality television, it would never occur to me to outlaw it if I possessed that power. People should be allowed to make their own choices in the products they create and consume, yet China moves in the opposite direction every day. Anecdotally speaking, I was once warned against typing the word "Tibet" in a chat screen to my friend in China because she thought that perhaps there was a chance that even that line of communication could be monitored, and she didn't want her Internet shut down in that unlikely event. Whether her fears were well-founded or not is beside the point--that fear exists for people.

I don't really know what I expect of the world in general, or what I want to happen instead, but hearing that silly time travel stories are being outlawed concerns me. This isn't something that threatens society or social mores; it's not vulgar or dangerous to delicate sensibilities. If they're intent on getting rid of dumb TV like this, how much further is it going to go?

The Known Universe

This video actually came out over a year ago, but it came to mind recently, so I thought I'd share:

It had quite an impact on me when I first watched it. Seeing just how small and tiny we are compared to the vastness of the universe is simply mind-boggling. And this is only the parts of the universe that we know is out there! Where some might see that vastness and despair, I look at it and am filled with an intense desire to know what fills that space. I think maybe that's why I find science fiction so fascinating; it posits what might be out in the universe and imagines what it's like. Things like this also make me wish that I knew more about the universe and how it worked. My younger brother is a fledgling mathematician, so every once in a while I talk to him about science. Though his focus is math, it gives him the foundation to explore physics, astronomy, and other scientific fields that I can barely comprehend since my foundation is in the arts.

While I wouldn't trade my education for anything, I do wish that I had had more of an inclination towards science. It opens up a whole other way of thinking and seeing the world that is somewhat closed to me since my thought processes are pretty much hardwired towards a certain manner of perceiving things. There are things that I couldn't possibly imagine that are posited in the field of science, and I wish I could be a little less hindered by the boundaries of my knowledge. However, just hearing about the sorts of classes my brother would have to take in order to get his Masters in Astronomy sends my mind reeling, so I don't know if I could have handled such an intensive field of study.

Though I don't think I would actually enjoy living for thousands of years, I kind of wish I could just so I could see the kinds of advances that science will make hundreds of years. I suppose since we've made such incredible strides in the space of fifty years, I can expect to see even more wonders before I die; but will I live long enough to actually know whether we can travel to other planets? Will we ever encounter other life in the universe? If we do encounter life, will it be hostile and completely incapable of communicating with us, as Stephen Hawking believes? Or will it actually be something like the aliens we've invented in books, movies, and television?

Those are the sorts of things I think about when I see a video like the one above. I wonder what's out there and whether we'll ever have a chance to know. On the one hand, I hope I do get to see it. If we're going to get wiped out by aliens, though, I think I'll pass.

Writing Insecurities

I know I'm not working very hard on my writing right now (and by 'not working very hard', I mean 'not at all'), which I am reminded of whenever someone asks me how my novel is going. At first, I feel intensely guilty because I'm not giving my work the attention it deserves. Then, I feel like a fraud because pretty much everyone in my life is aware of the fact that I aspire to be a writer, but I haven't written any fiction since November. Finally, I remind myself that it took my favorite author, Patrick Rothfuss, over a decade to finish his first book. Here's what he says about it:

I wish I could go back in time and talk to my poor, lonely, confused teenage self and say, “Pat, things are not going to go smoothly for you over the next couple years. You will make terrible mistakes. You will spend a decade getting your college degree and writing a unmarketable behemoth of a fantasy novel. Most people, even the ones that love and support you, will think that this is a pretty stupid thing to do, and they will be right in thinking that.”

Then I would lean forward and say, “But if you keep writing, you will finish that book. And if you keep revising it, a publisher will buy it. They will pay you money for the story that came out of your head. And once that book is in print, there are people who will love your book. They will love it beyond all reason and expectation. They will love your book to such a degree that beautiful young women will strip naked and adorn their bodies with the image of your book, and then they will send you a picture of it!”

The original post is here, if you'd like more context for why naked women are adorning their bodies with the image of his book. I enjoy reading his everyday thoughts on the blog because even though his prose is so incredibly well wrought that I despair of ever crafting sentences as beautifully written as his, he's so down-to-earth and willing to share his insecurities with his readers.

Knowing that he struggled for years to write his novel provides me with some valuable perspective. He had a life, and a serious girlfriend, and even a baby for the last couple of years; so of course writing his novel took a long time. Even though he made it his full-time job, the second novel took him four years to complete. Keeping this in mind, it helps me beat myself up less over the fact that I'm not working as hard on my novel as I could be. I know what it will take to be deadly serious about my writing, and I don't know that I'm ready to make those sacrifices yet. Having a full-time job means that 40 hours of my life every week are already spoken for, and I like devoting much of my free time to friends right now. I've spent so much of my life holed up by myself, I'm not ready to go back to that yet.

Most importantly, I know that I can make the time. Every year, I take a month to set aside an average of two hours a day for my writing, and it completely works for me and gets my creativity rolling, though it isn't always easy to churn out the 2000 word quota I set for myself every day. That time exists there if I'm determined to pull it out of the ether, so knowing that it sits at the edges of my life is comforting. I am perfectly capable of doing it, so it isn't a question of ability.

Perhaps, that's the thing I worry about the most--am I truly capable of producing a worthwhile work of fiction? Maybe that's what stops me much of the time; I don't feel like I've found the story that I want to tell. However, I'm not going to find it if I don't go looking for it...

True Blood

I started watching True Blood this week because I kept hearing that it was freaking amazing. I'm behind the times, I know. Even though I'd heard good reviews, I wasn't entirely keen on watching it because 1) I've been burnt out on vampires since before Angel went off the air, and 2) it seemed like a depressing show. Although I'm only two episodes into the first season, I'm already really into it.

 

One thing I always appreciate about fantasy/science fiction is when it approaches an old idea in a new way. I don't need more Buffy the Vampire Slayer-esque shows and movies where vampires are all evil and in hiding, and there's only a select few who can save us; we already have seven seasons of that. And I certainly don't need the melodramatic teen angst of Twilight; I'm not twelve.

True Blood, however, is very different. I won't say it's completely different, because it definitely utilizes the vampire cliches that have made the whole genre a big fat cliche; but it's the differences that make this show so compelling. Though vampires have been in hiding for centuries, they live out in the open now and are even working towards establishing civil rights for themselves as people. So far, each episode shows this political battle going on in the background in the form of pundits talking on CNN and Bill Maher. While they do need blood to live, there's a synthetic product on the market called "True Blood," apparently manufactured as a way to ensure that vampires and humans can live side by side without fear.

Apparently, this is his only expression.

I like that the show sets up vampires as sort of a downtrodden class of people who just want civil rights, but it still makes a point of showing that they're dangerous. They look like normal people until their fangs drop down, and even then that's the only change in their appearance (unlike in Buffy where their entire face becomes more demonic-looking). For the most part, they aren't super pale, wasted, emo people, which is emphasized in the opening scene of the series wherein a portly Southern guy in a hunter's cap and camo reveals himself as a vampire.

However, the main vampire character, Bill, plays up every cliche in the book, constantly staring down Anna Paquin's character, Sookie, with a smoldering gaze beneath hooded eyes. I don't know if it was their intention to make it so ridiculously over-the-top, but I found myself laughing at just how often he stared at her like that. I suppose being immortal and seeing everyone you know and love grow old and die would make a guy depressed, but his angst is overplayed. The character is primarily saved by the fact that Stephan Moyer is undeniably hot, and he has incredible chemistry with Paquin.

Since the show revolves around Sookie, it makes sense that her character is the most well-written and complex. The audience needs to sympathize with her right away, and this is accomplished very well by her courage and sense of right and wrong. She isn't intimidated by Bill, and actually teases him because he can't fly or change shape (which I guess some vampires can do). In those situations, Bill's character is redeemed because he is so obviously out of his depth around Sookie, easily embarrassed and flustered by her teasing. I really appreciate that the writers threw that into his character development because it shows vulnerability and that he's more than just a brooding hot guy.

Though I've only seen two episodes, I like where it's going; and there are lots of little hints that suggest there may be more than vampires out there. If you've already seen a ton of True Blood, NO SPOILERS!!! Even though I can usually anticipate what's going to happen because I've consumed so much fiction over the years, I still like to get there on my own without it being told to me before hand. If you haven't seen it, then I would recommend it, especially if you like shows such as Dexter and Battlestar Galactica.

WARNING: Since this show is on HBO, there are a ton of graphic sex scenes. That's actually another thing I don't especially like about the show; in my opinion, a good story doesn't need graphic sex, but I guess they felt that they might as well write it in since they're on HBO and they can get away with it.

Romantic Regrets

A couple days ago, a study was reported on in which 44% of the women surveyed had regrets about their romantic relationships. I thought it was pretty remarkable that so many people are unhappy in their relationships or felt that there was a "one who got away" that they wished they were with. However, it first bears mentioning that the only methodology mentioned was that 370 adults were surveyed ranging in age from 20 to 80, but no details on how many of those people were women or how many women were in each age range.

In any case, this story made me think about society's expectations for romantic relationships, and whether we're getting in our own way. If you see your significant other as a "stomach-scratching blob," I could see why you wouldn't be happy; but regretting the one who got away just keeps you stuck in a fantasy world of what might have been. In all likelihood, you would still have had the same number of problems with "the one" that you do with your current partner, you only think things would be better because you weren't with "the one" long enough for those problems to arise. Many people have this strange notion that the right relationship is supposed to be easy, but that's just wishful thinking. No relationship is like that because everyone has their flaws and faults. The real question is whether you love that person enough and have patience enough to work through it.

Sometimes, things just can't be worked out, which is well and good when you're dating since you can go your separate ways and deal with your issues or not as you see fit. But what about what this means for a marriage? What if you have children? How do your regrets play into that scenario? Do they get so in the way of your relationship that you don't try as hard to be a good spouse and parent? I've heard it said that if you're married without kids, then you're really just dating; you don't know what a marriage is actually like. Obviously I can't speak to that with experience, but it makes some sense to me. Maybe so many women had regrets about their romantic relationships because they didn't consider how kids would change the relationship? Maybe both sides are just so tired from raising their children that they can't even think about romance?

I think maybe the real problem is that people change. It's unrealistic to expect yourself and the person you're with to stay the same for forty years or more. Every experience we have changes us a little bit, and maybe it happens that couples change into people that they don't want to be with anymore. We place so much weight and importance on falling in love and feeling that strong connection, but maybe we should be thinking about whether we can change along with the person we're with rather than grow apart. That's not to say that I don't believe in falling in love or that I think we should settle for the best that's currently available. I feel so sad for people I know who settle for someone who's obviously wrong for them because they don't believe in real, honest love. Even though I don't believe in "the one," I do think it's important to hold out for someone who not only makes you feel good, but makes you feel good about yourself.

So are people making bad decisions with their relationships that they regret? Or are they just not working hard enough to keep the romance alive, and so they regret their choice? It's difficult not to look back and think, "I should have done that differently," but could you have? I guess this "study" bothers me because I don't see the point in dwelling on regrets. You can't know how things will turn out, and it's statistically impossible to make the right decision every time.

I am at a disadvantage here, however. My longest relationship lasted a little over two years, and that ended over four years ago, during which I haven't been in a relationship at all. So maybe those of you in long-term relationships could weigh in? What do you think about the high instance of women who regret their romantic relationships?

My Mom

I think that I'm a pretty self-aware person; I can recognize things within myself and their origins, and I've spent a remarkable amount of time considering the reasons for why I am the way that I am and how it affects my life. All of that probably stems from acute feelings of insecurity from being alone a lot when I was growing up, and by alone I mean that I didn't have many friends and I was virtually incapable of making new ones even if I wanted to. Those who knew me in college can attest to the fact that I changed a great deal from freshman year to senior year, primarily in that I broke out of my shell of insecurity and actually tried to be a little more outgoing (which does wonders for your friendships, let me tell you).

More than anything, though, the key factor in shaping the person I am is my relationship with my mom. If you know me well, you know that my mom is the most important person in the world to me, but I don't think I even understood how important she was until about a year or two ago. I realized that many of the decisions I made in my life, and the idiosyncrasies that I have, are a result of my mom's influence. For those of you who advocate the nurture over nature theory of parenting, it probably comes as no surprise that my mom has shaped the person I am to such a great degree. That's not to say that my mom was intentionally trying to guide my life choices, aside from just wanting to raise a decent human being; I made decisions and I act in a way that's reminiscent of my mother because she is such an important part of my life.

For example, my interest in Japan is entirely because my mom is Japanese. I have never had any desire to look into the Armenian language or culture, and I don't even really think of myself as Armenian because I have always felt closer to my mom. That's not a reflection of how I feel about my dad's side of the family; I just have always felt closer to my mom, and so the desire to be closer to that side of myself took precedence. She never insisted that I take Japanese or even implied that it would be good for me to get in touch with my background, but I cannot recall a time when I did not want to learn Japanese. So in a sense, I got my Masters in Japanese because of my mom.

Other things are less obvious, such as the way I write my checks or the word choice I use when I talk. As a kid, I even tried to like the same foods that my mom liked, the most notable of which is mushrooms. However, I still hate mushrooms with an undying passion, so I don't copy my mother in everything. In fact, as I grow older, I become more aware of the person my mom truly is and why I don't want to be exactly like her, which in turn grants me new insights into my own character. There are aspects of myself that I believe arose in direct contrast to the way in which my mom behaves, but whether she raised me to think this way or I developed that thought process in reaction to her influence is kind of a moot point, I think.

Whatever the case, though, I would attribute any successes I have as a person to her. Seeing the sorts of relationships people I know have with their parents, it becomes more and more apparent to me that my mom has afforded me with a remarkable level of independence and freedom that a lot of parents don't grant their children. I am ridiculously lucky to have a parent like her; and if I ever change my mind about having kids, I hope that I've learned enough from my mom to be at least as good of a parent as she is.

Expanding My Horizons

This weekend, I saw Dirty Harry for the first time, and I was completely blown away by my friend’s observation that Clint Eastwood’s character, Harry Callahan, bears a striking resemblance to Spike Spiegal from Cowboy Bebop. They don’t just dress similarly, but the characters also share certain idosyncracies in the way they carry themselves and address the people around them. While watching Clint Eastwood’s performance, I could see little things that more than likely inspired Spike’s character, especially when it came to one-liners and stand-offs with the villian.

Uncanny, isn't it?

The correlation between these two characters probably isn’t surprising to people who are well-informed fans of Cowboy Bebop, but it was to me. I even searched out an LA Times article from 2003 that shows Cowboy Bebop director Shinichiro Watanabe making a direct correlation between the two. So why do I think this is interesting? For one thing, I absolutely love Cowboy Bebop, but I would never have watched Dirty Harry if not for the fact that it just happened to be on TV while we were waiting for our Chinese take-out to arrive. While I enjoyed seeing where some of the inspiration for Spike’s dress and attitude came from, I did find parts of the movie campy; but that has to do with the fact that I’m accustomed to a production value that movies of the 70s can’t really deliver. In any case, Cowboy Bebop has it’s share of camp as well, but I love it anyway.

Before this weekend, I wouldn’t have given a movie like Dirty Harry a chance because I would have assumed that it wasn’t my type of film. How many films, shows, books, etc. do we pass over because we think we aren’t interested in them? Dirty Harry embodies a lot of the elements of Cowboy Bebop that I enjoy a great deal—such as Spike’s cavalier attitude towards his chosen profession even though he genuinely believes in what he’s doing—but I might never have known that it was a movie I would like even though it’s so highly acclaimed.

So I’m taking this as a challenge to myself to go back to the things I enjoy, figure out where the creators found their inspiration, and maybe discover a few “new” things to love. If you find yourself with a dearth of entertainment, this could be a good way to get rid of your boredom without resorting to reality television.

Awesome Photo of Awesomeness!

My friend, Joey, alerted me to the existence of this photo. I don't remember him taking this; but sure enough, there's my hand and DS in the upper right.

I firmly believe that this is pretty frickin' awesome because it brings back particularly fond memories of my time at PAX Prime this past year. When I went to PAX for the first time in 2009, I pretty much just worked the whole weekend because I didn't really know anyone else there. In any case, I didn't even know what I wanted to do--I just wanted to *be* there. So, I did my volunteer work, but did not play a single game until the volunteers' after party the day after the show ended. I know, shocking!

Last year, however, I got in on a game of Metroid Pinball; and though we didn't play for very long, it's still one of my favorite moments of that PAX. Before then, it had been something like three years since I played with someone else, let alone three other people. It's interesting how much satisfaction we get from playing games with each other. I imagine human beings have been creating games to entertain ourselves for thousands of years, and having that interactive element is half the experience. As social creatures, it isn't nearly as satisfying for us to play a game alone. In fact, I often forgo logging time on my DS in favor of reading; but I'll jump at the opportunity to get in on a game with other people.

So, in honor of PAX East, which is starting tomorrow in Boston, I think I'll try to play some games with friends this weekend. Who's in?

PokeApartheid

Wednesday and today's Penny Arcade reminded me of something from high school. Read those two comics first then come back. Don't worry, I'll wait.

Finished? Great.

I think it's hilarious that Penny Arcade takes weird angles like this on something as innocuous as Pokemon. Apparently it took the release of Black and White for people to actually think about what capturing Pokemon "means," and Penny Arcade is taking advantage of those bizarre conversations the public is having to make a funny comic. Still, it makes me wonder what sort of person is so eager to find racism in Pokemon in the first place that this topic would even come to the attention of the Penny Arcade guys.

But then again, I don't have to think too hard about what that person is like. When I was a freshman, I still watched the Pokemon cartoon and played the game on GameBoy. Yeah, that's right. I'm not ashamed to admit it. My best friend at the time watched it too.

One day, when her mom picked us up from school, we were talking about Pokemon for some reason or another. Out of nowhere, her mom starts lecturing us on how awful Pokemon is. Let me preface the following by mentioning that my friend's mother was a horrible, impatient, mean person. She once beat one of her other children right in front of me, a guest, while my friend and I were watching TV. This woman was an awful human being from everything I could tell about her. Here is what I recall from our conversation, dramatized and paraphrased:

Her mom: So you hunt these Pokemon down?
Us: Yeah, you search for all the Pokemon, catch them, train them, and then fight other people's Pokemon with yours.
Her mom: Isn't that just slavery?
Us: Uh....it's just a game.
Her mom: Well, have you ever thought about how those Pokemon feel?
Us: No, and once again, it's just a game.
Her mom: It sounds like slavery to me.

That's the gist of it, though I know there was more that I don't remember. It was the most frustrating conversation I had ever had with a virtual stranger to that point, and it solidified my opinion of her mother. Putting aside the fact that she was refusing to bring a little perspective to a discussion about a video game in favor of arguing with a couple of fourteen-year-old girls, what kind of crazy person takes a child's video game and TV cartoon so seriously?

Before you say, "Maybe she wasn't being serious?" let me point you back to the above description of my former-friend's mother. She did not have a sense of humor. She ruled her three daughters with an iron fist, and she made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and unwelcome all the time. Additionally, just do a Google search for "Pokemon racism" and you'll find other people grasping at straws to prove that Pokemon is racist. Well, you know what? Maybe it is. The Japanese as a culture are pretty racist, but it's so institutionalized in many ways that I imagine the majority of Japanese don't really understand the concept of racism at all. But that's a completely different discussion that would take too long to get into here.

This became a little more depressing than I intended; I actually just thought those two comics were really funny, and this memory popped up out of nowhere. Strange how the human brain works; you set out to tell a funny story about Pokemon, but then just end up remembering how awful your best friend's mom was. You know, like you do.


To bring us back to a happy place, here are a few more Penny Arcade comics, seven in total, that I think are hilarious. There are way more about Pokemon in the archives, but those are my favorites. Enjoy your break from Monday.

Pokemon!

Reacquainting Myself With "Free Cell"

I started a new job recently, and since I’m still in my probationary period, I don’t have a whole lot of work to do yet. I find myself finishing all my assigned tasks too quickly, and then I have three more hours left until I can go home for the day. As a result, I've been spending a lot of time playing "Free Cell," which I was surprised to find that I had kind of forgotten how to play.

In any case, my current project is writing about a specific type of software, and next week my content will go up on a website tailored to give information about that software. I could write extra articles and profiles of the companies that develop the software, but I’ve been spending so much time on those that it gets tiring looking at the same information constantly.

Despite all the things I’ve read about it, I still don’t feel like I know anything about this software. I can’t test it out because it’s meant to be implemented by a business or a corporation in their operations; and the companies that develop the software write their site content in order to sell it, not necessarily to describe how it works. On top of that, most people who are looking into this stuff already know how the software works, so the few descriptions that do exist are maddeningly vague or full of jargon I don’t understand yet.

As you can imagine, it makes writing original content very difficult. If I don’t understand the nuances of the thing I’m writing about, then there’s very little variation open to me in coming up with article topics. It’s been a little frustrating creatively, and I think it’s also kind of suppressing my creative process in general. All week I’ve been trying to think of something interesting to write for this blog, but nothing came to me: my head is just filled with details about this software. I even had two dreams over the past week about work, which were crazy dull as I'm sure you can imagine.

On the other hand, my office is a pretty good place to work. It’s still a small company, so everyone is very friendly and familiar with each other. Most of the people in the office generally go out for lunch together several times a week; and my co-workers are very into finding the best food within driving distance of the office, so our lunches are always fun and filled with great food. I think the oldest person in the office in his early 40s, and the rest of us are in our late 20s/early 30s, so it’s a young office too. The casual atmosphere is awesome, I feel pretty lucky to be working here. There’s even a Wii and Playstation 2 set up right in the middle of the office!

So, I’m really looking forward to having more to do around here. Next week should pick up a bit, and then hopefully I can get my creativity rolling again.

Semi-Gamer Girl

I spent some time this past weekend playing New Super Mario Brothers with a couple friends, and it reminded me why I love playing games. With grad school, then working at Peet's Coffee, then trying to find a full time job, and now having a full time job, I just never make the time for it anymore. It also doesn't help that I usually have to play alone with whatever DS games I can get ahold of; but I end up buying those months after everyone else is finished playing them and they're already old news.

But playing New Super Mario brought back a ton of memories for me, back when I still shared a room with my younger brothers and we would play the original on our brand spanking new Nintendo Entertainment System. I remember us trying to play Duck Hunt, but failing miserably because our aim was so bad. We would stand directly in front of the TV screen, holding the plastic gun against the glass, but we still missed all the time. Now that I think about it, I don't even know how that game worked because as far as I recall, there were no motion sensors in that little red and grey plastic gun.

I can remember my dad pulling out his Atari for us, but it was too old and just wouldn't work. I can remember my brothers trash talking me so much I didn't want to play with them anymore. Eventually, my parents gave me my own room, and then they wouldn't even let me play anymore. I remember upgrading to the Sega Genesis and playing Sonic the Hedgehog, then upgrading to the Nintendo 64 and sneaking into the boys' room while they were still at school so I could play some Tetris 3D in peace and quiet.

I remember going to college where every guy on the floor had an X-Box. I actually got to know my college boyfriend from trying to play Halo with him, but then giving up on ever pwning at slayer and playing Fables instead. I remember scoffing at the DS, wondering why anyone would need two screens, then immediately falling in love with it once I actually got my hands on one. I also remember my younger brother bringing his Wii back home with him from college during the Christmas break, and we would stay up until well after midnight trying to beat Paper Mario.

I have innumerable awesome memories playing games. Those memories are why I love going to PAX Prime every year -- 70,000 gamers all in one place for one glorious weekend where we can share in our mutual love of video games. It's not just the nostalgia, but also the sure knowledge that everyone around me is there for the same reason, and I could probably be friends with a good number of them. In fact, I have a bunch of friends I met at PAX who I look forward to seeing every year; and it's actually how I got in touch with my gaming friends of this weekend, who are two of the coolest people I know now.

In summary, even though I don't have the opportunity to play a whole lot, I grew up with games, and I still like to think that I'm a gamer girl. Maybe I'll just settle for semi-gamer girl.

How I Was Converted to the Kindle

To start with, I'm not trying to convert anyone; I just felt like sharing my experience with the Kindle since I did a total 180 on it.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am an avid reader. I majored in English because I love to read. I want to be a writer because I love to read. Nothing makes me happier than sitting down and losing myself in a novel.

So when e-readers started to gain in popularity with Amazon's Kindle and Sony's E-reader, I was incredibly resistant. How could people replace the tactile sensation of reading with a piece of plastic? What about trying to find your favorite passage in a book based on your recollections of where you were reading? How about my shelves and shelves of books that I've read? If I go digital, I won't have the satisfaction of seeing that.

These reasons, as well as the old person in me who hates change, resulted in my complete dismissal of e-readers as a revolutionary device. I wasn't interested, so I couldn't care less about it. Until I went to Seattle last year.

While visiting my aunt, we were wandering around town window shopping when she suggested we go into a local bookstore. As I browsed the shelves, I saw Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver, which I had never read. A big fan of his work, I decided to buy the 900 page tome despite the fact that I was travelling for the next week and it was a massive brick of a book. For the next seven days, it weighed down my bag as I walked around Seattle, but I kept carrying it in case I became bored and wanted to read something.

The thing that convinced me completely was actually holding a Kindle in my hands and seeing how it worked. Since it's only sold online, I never had a chance to see what the Kindle was really like; but a friend of mine owned one and was entirely satisfied with it. Once I saw how easy it is to use, how quickly you can download books, and how compact and convenient it is, I immediately decided to get one of my own.

My Kindle has actually made reading much easier for me. Since I live in the Richmond of San Francisco, there really aren't any bookstores nearby, so buying a new book is difficult. On top of which, I don't have room for more books; my bookshelf is barely large enough for me to keep my favorite volumes on hand (the rest are in storage in Lodi). Now, I can download a new book in seconds from anywhere for as low as $5 sometimes (though the average seems to be $10 right now since I read a lot of recently released material as well). I'll still buy physical copies of books that I'm absolutely in love with, but the Kindle allows for me to download my favorite authors' new work the second it's available. Plus, I can highlight and take notes of passages that I like without the stigma of vandalizing my book; and the Kindle keeps all of these in once easy-to-access file.

It does have downsides, of course. I can't share my library with anyone else, you can't borrow e-books from libraries because of Amazon's stance on DRM or something, and some of the newly released books are as much as $15, which I think is way too much for a digital version since print versions of new books are sold for as little as $20 despite a list price of $40.

Even with those downsides, I absolutely love my Kindle. It's changed the way I read, the way I take in information, and since I have a ton of Amazon credit from various online surveys that I participate in, I have the funds to buy as many books as I want for a while. Anyone else have any thoughts on the e-reader revolution? Feel free to comment!

Maybe We Should Stop the Signal?

So the Internet is buzzing over Nathan Fillion's comment that he would like to buy the rights to Firefly and produce new episodes. While I find it wonderful and awesome that he still has so much love for this show, I wonder whether it's time to let the show go.

Please don't get me wrong. Firefly is one of my favorite television shows of all time. I loved pretty much everything about it, nerded out over it hardcore, and every time I re-watch it, I am always amazed at what a spectacular show it was. The outpouring of fan enthusiasm that resulted in a full-length feature film was nothing short of incredible, and I was just as excited about it as every other Browncoat. I only watch Castle because Nathan Fillion is on it, and I love how the show often makes Firefly references.

I'm inclined to agree with Alexis when she says, "Don't you think you should move on?" While I laughed at Troy's unexpected aside to Abed on Community, I sort of pitied him rather than thought, "Yeah, we need to get Firefly back on the air!" Why did I have that reaction? Because Firefly will probably never get another chance to be what it could have been. The fact that a movie based on a cancelled TV show was even made is a "fucking miracle," to quote Colin Hanks in Nerdist Podcast #61. He goes on for a good five minutes or so on how impossible it is to get anything made in Hollywood, so it really is a miracle that Serenity ever made it off the ground.

Now, I'm going to commit blasphemy against Joss Whedon. If you can't stand to hear a word against him or the Firefly franchise, stop reading now. I'm serious. Spare both me and yourself the burden of your rage and just navigate away to something else. There is plenty of other stuff on the Internet to entertain you.

Still here? Alright, moving right along...

I don't think Serenity was a good movie. Full disclosure: I thoroughly enjoyed it when I saw it in the theaters, and the fangirl in me could hardly contain her glee. I sobbed inconsolably when Wash died, and I actually felt a sense of loss for weeks afterwards. That is how into it I was initially. Unfortunately, it doesn't hold up like its TV predecessor. I actually winced while watching it recently. For whatever reason, the story felt forced, the characters a little less engaging, and it was overly sentimental all around as it paid fan service at every turn.

Ultimately, Firefly had its chance to make a comeback with Serenity, and it just didn't work. The worldwide gross income of the movie in theaters came in at $38.8 million, just barely under the total production cost of $39 million--it didn't even make back the money spent to make it. Perhaps you're thinking, "But that's still good! A grassroots effort got the movie made, so that's actually pretty impressive." Well, that's not how movie studios think. Serenity couldn't make any money in theaters, and no number of DVD sales is going to change the fact that it can't support itself. For Pete's sake, the '08 X-Files: I Want to Believe made $68 million worldwide, and it was off the air WAY longer than Firefly was before Serenity.

In any case, I don't think a Firefly reboot would live up to our expectations. In all likelihood, the time has just passed, and Joss Whedon's most recent projects have been less than engaging, in my opinion. Who's to say that he could recreate the magic that was Firefly? If he did manage it, I would be indescribably thrilled, but I won't hold my breath for it. There are too many other fantastic shows, books, games, and movies that deserve our time and effort just as much. Let's just accept it gracefully and take solace in the fact that we did have Firefly for a little while.

"They can't take the sky from me..."

Strange Behavior

All week I reminded myself that I had a dentist appointment this afternoon, yet 12:35pm rolled around and I was completely caught off guard by my dentist calling to say that he and his assistant would be out to lunch, but they should be back in time for my 1pm appointment.

Naturally, I was still in my pajamas and not entirely awake due to an over-zealous night of drinking at the Starlight Room and Gold Dust Lounge. I assured my dentist that it was alright, and that I might be a little late myself due to the heavy rain and traffic. Immediately after hanging up, I performed my morning ablutions and threw on some pants. I eschewed changing out of my pajama shirt as I was already wearing a bulky sweatshirt over it; and time was of the essence since it normally takes twenty minutes for me to get to my dentist's office.

Thankfully, I arrived only five minutes after my scheduled appointment, and the rest went swimmingly. However, this is not the strange behavior alluded to in the above title. This is just the prelude.

At the dentist's office, as I was waiting for the Novocain to kick in, I gazed out the window on the street below. I had a good view of the laundromat across the street, and I noticed that a tan-colored sedan was just sitting in the middle of the street. The driver didn't have her signal or hazard lights on. She was just sitting there, blocking traffic. I peered into the cars parked in front of her, but there was no sign of someone getting ready to pull out, which would have explained why she was camping. For a good ten minutes, she just sat there, only moving once to back up her car and then pull forward again for no apparent reason.

Finally, a couple women crossed the street and got into their car, which just so happened to be right in front of our camper's vehicle. They left, and the tan sedan finally pulled in to park. Less than a minute later, the owner of the SUV parked right next to her arrived, got in his car, and left. The woman in the tan sedan responded by backing out of the space she had just parked into and taking the recently vacated spot.

Watching this woman's strange behavior, I couldn't imagine why she would waste so much of her time sitting in her car, waiting for a space, only to immediately back out again just to take the space next to her. On top of which, the SUV's spot was actually a little further away from the laundromat, which was the driver's ultimate destination. I supposed I understand why she would want to wait for a spot right in front since it was raining and she seemed to have a ton of laundry (as evidenced by the fact that she made two trips in and out with one of the laundromat's clothing rack/baskets on wheels), but I really don't get why she would swoop in on the SUV's spot. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I don't know this person. She seems like she would be an insufferable laundry mate.